I realised i have not been blogging lately. Ok,work has just officially started. Still in the "honeymoon" period because we are being attached to a staff. Doing the usual routines like turning, taking blood every 2 hours from the IA line, charting every hour. Im still pretty fine with all this. Still trying to learn how to titrate drugs according to patient's condition. All the staffs are pretty nice and they are freaking fast. I'm still so slow, not in learning but doing. I have no idea why im so scared of opening glass ampoules, and all the freaking emergency drugs are in ampoules. HOW like that? People can break without wearing gloves, i must wear to overcome my own fear. So fucked up. And those grieving relatives just made me feel worse. I don't wanna comsole them and yet i can't smile to them. Felt so bad because i can't do anything, just in case i cry with them. How embarrasing and un-professional if i cry with them. So i always avoid them. Someday when i build up my courage, i will being myself forward to them.